Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #64
DECEMBER 11, 2000

2000, Justin Thorne




Starbucks brews storm in China's Forbidden City BY OFFERING UNSANCTIONED 'CHAIRMAN MAO-CHA FRAPPUCINO '

Pinochet homicide and kidnapping charges dropped ON CONSTITUTIONAL GROUNDS THAT BEING FEEBLE AND INCONTINENT GIVES YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

Russia agrees to sign U.N. treaty on transnational crime SINCE THEY CONTRIBUTE MORE THAN THEIR FAIR SHARE

Fake Nike T-shirts celebrate accused terrorist, DOWNPLAY CHILD LABOR IN NIKE FACTORIES

Publisher of Czech edition of 'Mein Kampf' sentenced TO 2-YEAR PROBATION FOR INCORRECTLY TRANSLATING TITLE AS 'MY CAMP'

Yeltsin recovering from cataract surgery, MAJOR HANGOVER

Fujimori holds ON TO Japanese citizenship CURIOUSLY ASSERTED ONLY WHEN HE IS UNDER THREAT OF ARREST IN PERU

Clinton's Irish farewell FEATURES QUESTIONABLE REMARKS ABOUT THE UNIVERSAL SEXINESS OF ALL IRISH WOMEN

Israel's Barak criticizes Netanyahu FOR BEING MORE POPULAR

Estrada cancels death penalties HE ORIGINALLY ORDERED 'JUST FOR FUN'

Libya starts to release Egyptian fishermen AFTER DETERMINING THEY ARE NOT UNDERCOVER AGENTS OF THE CIA

Cuba rounds up 100 dissidents to thwart human rights protests, AND INADVERTENTLY MAKES THEIR CASE FOR THEM

Argentine president signs decree for striking inmates WITH LEAD PIPES IF GUARDS ARE SO INCLINED

Myanmar signals it is ready to lift restrictions on Suu Kyi IF SHE IS WILLING TO NEVER SPEAK AGAIN ABOUT FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY

South African minister says no madcow disease reported, THEN TWITCHES UNCONTROLLABLY FOR 30 SECONDS