Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #65
JANUARY 8, 2001

2001, Justin Thorne




Exhumation of Ceausescu sought TO DETERMINE IF, IN FACT, 150 CLOSE-RANGE BULLET WOUNDS WERE THE CAUSE OF HIS DEATH

Maimed Thai elephant getting death threats HIGHLIGHTS LITTLE-KNOWN ELEPHANT MAFIA, keeper says

Coup attempt in Ivory Coast falls FAR short OF SUCCESS WHEN COUNTRYSIDE GUERRILAS BECOME LOST IN CAPITAL

Trouble for another Bush cabinet choice AS PHOTOGRAPH IS CIRCULATED SHOWING NOMINEE FOR SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE SIGNING PACT WITH SATAN

NATO warned of uranium threat in Balkans BY REPORTS OF ARMY-ISSUE TANG SEEN GLOWING IN THE DARK

Israelis lay blame for bus bombing ON ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES

Clinton will focus on Mideast peace UNTIL BUSH AIDES PRY HIS FINGERS FROM HIS OVAL OFFICE DESK

Putin says Russia will pay its international debts AS SOON AS GORBACHEV IS REELECTED PRESIDENT

Pinochet defies judge's orders for medical tests, OFFERS LAST-DITCH 'TEMPORARY AMNESIA' EXPLANATION

Thai victor seeks coalition WITH MONIED INTERESTS AND UNDERWORLD FIGURES

Czech TV boss vows to fight pressure to quit, PROMISES MORE PROGRAMMING FEATURING SCANTILY CLAD BLONDE CHICKS

South Africa ruling party to tackle poverty, corruption BY WAVING MAGIC WAND TO ASSURE ALL POVERTY RELIEF PROGRAMS ARE RUN BY UNBLEMISHED POLITICIANS

Iraq accuses U.N. officer of smuggling FREE EXPRESSION OF THOUGHT INTO COUNTRY

Winnie Mandela seeks apology from South Africa's Mbeki FOR CALLING HER 'SPOOKY'

Iraq displays seemingly healthy Saddam Hussein HAILED AS BREAKTHROUGH IN ROBOTICS