Maimed Thai elephant getting death threats HIGHLIGHTS LITTLE-KNOWN ELEPHANT MAFIA, keeper says
 

Coup attempt in Ivory Coast falls FAR short OF SUCCESS WHEN COUNTRYSIDE GUERRILAS BECOME LOST IN CAPITAL
 

Trouble for another Bush cabinet choice AS PHOTOGRAPH IS CIRCULATED SHOWING NOMINEE FOR SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE SIGNING PACT WITH SATAN
 

NATO warned of uranium threat in Balkans BY REPORTS OF ARMY-ISSUE TANG SEEN GLOWING IN THE DARK
 

Israelis lay blame for bus bombing ON ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES
 

Clinton will focus on Mideast peace UNTIL BUSH AIDES PRY HIS FINGERS FROM HIS OVAL OFFICE DESK
 

Putin says Russia will pay its international debts AS SOON AS GORBACHEV IS REELECTED PRESIDENT
 

Pinochet defies judge's orders for medical tests, OFFERS LAST-DITCH 'TEMPORARY AMNESIA' EXPLANATION
 

Thai victor seeks coalition WITH MONIED INTERESTS AND UNDERWORLD FIGURES
 

Czech TV boss vows to fight pressure to quit, PROMISES MORE PROGRAMMING FEATURING SCANTILY CLAD BLONDE CHICKS
 

South Africa ruling party to tackle poverty, corruption BY WAVING MAGIC WAND TO ASSURE ALL POVERTY RELIEF PROGRAMS ARE RUN BY UNBLEMISHED POLITICIANS
 

Iraq accuses U.N. officer of smuggling FREE EXPRESSION OF THOUGHT INTO COUNTRY
 

Winnie Mandela seeks apology from South Africa's Mbeki FOR CALLING HER 'SPOOKY'