Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #82
JUNE 1, 2002

©2002, Justin Thorne




Shamed FBI's snooping powers increased IN ORDER TO INCREASE NUMBER OF WAYS THEY CAN SCREW THINGS UP
 

INSPIRING Massacre of civilians precedes 'FREE' Algerian elections
 

Mugabe has world's most expensive limo, WORLD LEADERS' FUNKIEST GLASSES
 

EAGER TO WIN OVER FRIENDS AFTER JOINING THE WTO, China sentences democracy activists
 

New species of parrot AWAITING EXTINCTION found in Brazil
 

Parliament votes for death of Yugoslavia, APPARENTLY UNAWARE IT HAS BEEN DEAD ALREADY FOR 11 YEARS
 

Gun-toting Russian wins Miss Universe, AND THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE FOR IT
 

Canadians ordered out of India WHEN MOLSON SHORTAGE MAKES THEM UNRULY
 

40 years on, boy shot at Berlin Wall faces attackers IN WWF STEEL CAGE REMATCH
 

Senegal stuns defending champion France 1-0 in World Cup opener, AND THE ONLY PEOPLE UNHAPPY ABOUT IT ARE THE FRENCH
 

Scientists recreate Martian environment IN SEARCH FOR CLUES TO PRESIDENT BUSH'S SPEECH PATTERNS
 

Indian government to restore Internet service in Kashmir TO GIVE THE ENEMY ONE LAST VISIT TO THEIR PORN SITE OF CHOICE BEFORE GOING NUCLEAR ON THEM
 

Obasanjo apologises to Nigerians FOR NOT KEEPING UP WITH ABUSE OF POWERS PEOPLE HAVE COME TO EXPECT
 

China nearing manned spaceflight, BUT ACKNOWLEDGES CONCERNS WITH RISKING ASTRONAUT LIVES ON ROCKET BEARING "MADE IN CHINA" LABEL
 

Lotto millionaire robbed in hotel room, BUT HE CAN PROBABLY AFFORD IT