Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #73
APRIL 17, 2001

2001, Justin Thorne




Cardinal attacks 'instant culture' IN FAVOR OF 'GLORY DAYS' OF THE INQUISITION
 

Fresh massacreS SERVED WITH LIME AND CILANTRO in Colombia
 

Jesse Helms visit to Mexico signals new opening IN THE VORTEX WAITING TO SWALLOW UP HUMANITY
 

Bush blesses Clinton rule on wetlands WITH GRANDFATHERED DUMPING PRIVILEGES FOR HIS TEXAS BUSINESS PALS
 

Argentine stocks end lower, shaken by peso plan RUMORED TO DEPEND ON DIVINE INTERVENTION
 

Benin reports slave ship misidentified AS CARRYING SLAVES, BUT THEY'RE STICKING WITH THEIR ASSESSMENT OF IT BEING A SHIP
 

13th person dies in Turkish prison hunger strike, AFTER ADMITTING STARVING YOURSELF TO GET BETTER TREATMENT HAS ITS LOGICAL PITFALLS
 

Venezuela president supports China's human rights record FOR BEING JUST ABOUT AS BAD AS VENEZUELA'S
 

Experts HURRIEDLY inspect collapsed section of ancient Aurelian wall BEFORE TALIBAN FORCES ARMED WITH PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES ARRIVE ON THE SCENE
 

Israel blasts Gaza from land, sea and air TO EMPHASIZE THEIR DESIRE FOR PEACE IN THE REGION
 

Europe concerned by Israeli raid; BUSH OBLIVIOUS
 

Royal Japanese pregnancy rumours BEING ONLY WAY TO boost weak economy SHOULD SCARE FINANCIAL WORLD IMMENSELY
 

DEJECTED Raul Castro says Cuba ready FOR INEVITABLE HAVANA WALMART STORE if U.S. invades
 

Potential jurors scrutinized FOR SIGNS OF 'SYMPATHETIC WHITE TRASHINESS' in Alabama church bombing trial
 

Mbeki urges soccer fans not to point fingers AT HIM, BECAUSE HE'S TIRED OF 'ALL THIS PROBLEM FIXING'