Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #11
APRIL 13, 1999

©1999, Justin Thorne




Schroeder lauded for firm, TIGHT BUTTOCKS WHICH 'THE Kosovo LADIES CAN'T stand SHARING WITH ANYONE ELSE'
 

Saskatchewan nurses strike prompts hospitals to airlift patients TO NURSES' HOMES IN HOPES OF FORCING THEM BACK TO WORK
 

Yugoslav parliament votes to join Russian-Belarus union IN A SIGN INTERPRETED AS DEMONSTRATING NO ONE HAS LEARNED ANYTHING THIS CENTURY
 

Analysts: India's missile test escalates South Asian arms race, MAY ENCOURAGE BANGLADESH TO STEP UP TIMETABLE FOR TEST FIRING FIRST DOMESTICALLY DESIGNED AND MANUFACTURED RIFLE
 

Berlin, Moscow observe Holocaust Remembrance Day AT A SAFE DISTANCE FROM ONE ANOTHER
 

U.S. rejects plan to allow foreign investment in Iraq, COMMENTING 'WE ARE COMMITTED TO CAPITALISM THROUGHOUT THE WORLD SO LONG AS IT SUITS OUR INTERESTS'
 

Peru's president confirms American prisoner is alive and well, BUT WILL NOT BE FREED UNLESS U.S. APPOINTS 'THAT LUSCIOUS VANESSA WILLIAMS' AMBASSADOR TO PERU
 

Jewish settlers take hilltop, praised by Netanyahu FOR TAKING THE KIND OF ACTION ISRAEL ALWAYS HOLDS PALESTINIANS IN CONTEMPT
 

Strasbourg approves plan for mosque IN EFFORT TO WIN BACK DEFENSE CONTRACTS IN MIDDLE EAST
 

HARE KRISHNA-Incensed passengers reportedly keep Chinese officials off flight WITH 'SCARY' OFFER OF HAPPINESS
 

Israeli election nears and candidates are at a loss AT HOW TO CONVINCE VOTERS THEY HAVE A CLUE WHAT THEY'RE DOING
 

Historic elevated train plunges into German river, BECOMES HIGH SPEED MOTORBOAT IN EXHIBITION AT 'RHINELAND JAMES BOND JAMBOREE'
 

Suharto's youngest son charged with corruption, 0.002% OF POPULATION BELIEVES HE IS INNOCENT, ACCORDING TO POLL
 

Israeli warplanes fire at Hezbollah strongholdS FOR THE 1,237TH TIME
 

'Get impeachment talks over with,' Yeltsin says, 'MY STOMACH HURTS'