Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #10
APRIL 9, 1999

©1999, Justin Thorne




Reformed yakuza now serve a higher boss - THE SPIRIT OF ELVIS
 

Non-economic issues, LIKE KILLING PROTESTERS, STEALING MILITARY SECRETS, RAMPANT CORRUPTION, AND THE OUT-OF-DATE WARDROBES OF ITS LEADERS could jeopardize U.S.-China trade agreement
 

Impeachment against Yeltsin may be gaining momentum, WHICH MAY FORCE HIM TO RESIGN SOMETIME IN THE NEXT THREE OR FOUR YEARS, SAY OFFICIALS
 

Israel drops threat to close Palestinian offices in Jerusalem, GOES BACK TO OLD-FASHIONED BACK ALLEY MURDERS OF PALESTINIAN ACTIVISTS
 

U.S. asks for ARMS talks with Libya after 18-year hiatus, NOTING LIBYA IS ONE OF THE 8 OR 9 COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD THAT DOESN'T BUY U.S. WEAPONS; LIBYA MENTIONS INTEREST IN PURCHASING LONG RANGE FIGHTER-BOMBER SQUADRON AS 'SIGN OF RENEWED FRIENDSHIP'
 

China detains dissident, MOBILIZES TANKS, AND SETS UP MACHINE GUN NESTS amid jitters over Tiananmen's 10th anniversary
 

Prosecutor seeks 15-year prison term for former Italian premier WHO MANAGED TO STAY UNCORRUPTABLE DURING HIS 4-MONTH TERM, CLAIMING 'HE'S A TRAITOR TO ITALIAN POLITICS IF HE DIDN'T PLAY THE GAME'
 

Ukrainian sentenced to death for 52 killings, Former Rwandan officials plead innocent to genocide charges, STATING 'YOU HAVE THE WRONG RUTHLESS KILLERS, YOUR HONOR'
 

Venezuelan president threatens to declare state of emergency AND INVADE PANAMA IF VENEZUELA'S TELEVISIÓN NACIONAL DOESN'T GET BROADCAST RIGHTS FOR 'THE X-FILES'
 

Jordanian parliament gives overwhelming support to Abdullah's first Cabinet, BUT THEN AGAIN, THAT'S THEIR JOB
 

China submits 2008 Olympics bid, hoping politics won't matter, THREAT OF NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION WILL
 

Sikhs celebrate 300 years of their order with pilgrimage to Indian shrine, GUN PLAY
 

Mexican police regain control of Chiapas state town hall BY BLASTING REBELS INSIDE WITH 200 DECIBELS OF HANSON MEGA-HIT 'MMM BOP' FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT
 

Arafat cuts short his Japan visit AFTER REALIZING HE HAD NOT PREPARED A KARAOKE SONG TO SING WITH JAPANESE DIGNITARIES
 

Colombia names new chief OF DRUG RUNNING AND MONEY LAUNDERING for troubled prison system
 

Pakistani rights groups demand laws to protect women from honorABLE killings, STIPULATING 'THEY MUST DIE LIKE DOGS IN THE STREET'