Cheesemaker says Prince Philip may have contaminated batch WHEN CURDY ODOR TRICKED OAFISH ROYAL INTO BELIEVING CHEESE VATS WERE URINALS
 

Putin vows to get Russia's stalled market moving BY DECLARING WAR ON SOMEONE
 

India rejects Clinton's appeal to slow nuclear weapons development, BECAUSE THERE ARE PAKISTANIS YET TO KILL
 

EAGER TO BOOST ITS WORLD STANDING, Lebanon grants political asylum to Japanese Red Army member
 

Pinochet hospitalized after fainting, BUT WE KNOW HE'S FAKING
 

Michael Douglas urges reduction of nuclear-weapons stockpiles, AND AL GORE URGES CASTING AGENTS TO FIND MICHAEL DOUGLAS A FILM TO BE IN
 

Japanese police in scandal-ridden department arrested on suspicion of erasing tickets, A 'CRIME' WHICH WOULD MAKE THEM HEROES JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE ELSE
 

IN AN UNPRECEDENTED DEMONSTRATION OF 'INCENTIVE TO LOSE WEIGHT', Overweight Philippine police ordered to climb Mount Pinatubo
 

Pakistan announces crackdown on political freedoms IN MASSIVE MISINTERPRETATION ahead of Clinton visit
 

Australian boys sleep in trees to avoid floods AND DRINK BEER
 

Clinton, Assad fail to find formula FOR "CLASSIC COKE", DEEMED ONLY REMAINING OBSTACLE for renewing Israel-Syria talks

 

SURPRISINGLY FRISKY Queen Elizabeth II "inspects" guard in Australia, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
 

Panama has "big" development plans for former Canal Zone WHICH CAN BE SUMMED UP IN 4 MAGIC WORDS: "BABES IN WET T-SHIRTS"