Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #78
JUNE 27, 2001

2001, Justin Thorne




In meeting with Bush, Sharon open to cease-fire, SO LONG AS 'CEASE-FIRE' DOESN'T INCLUDE BLOWING UP P.L.O. OPERATIVES WITH BOOBYTRAPPED TELEPHONES AND CAR BOMBS
 

Group threatens to kidnap Argentine soccer players TO GIVE BRAZIL A SHOT AT MAKING IT TO THE 2002 WORLD CUP
 

Human rights institution demands U.S. to abolish death penalty; PRESIDENT BUSH RESPONDS WITH SPOOKY GRIN INDICATING THAT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY TO OCCUR
 

CITING THE TRACK RECORD OF THE LAST 15 YEARS, Activists fear UN AIDS meeting may be words only
 

Venezuela, U.S. squabble over Montesinos glory, REST OF WORLD ASKS 'WHO THE HELL IS MONTESINOS, AND WHY SHOULD WE CARE?'
 

Prince Charles and Camilla enjoy first public kiss MUCH MORE THAN THE PUBLIC ENJOYED IT
 

World's biggest dope stash goes up in smoke AS FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY LETS OUT FOR SUMMER
 

Bush gives Baker warm sendoff as envoy to Japan, ADVISES HE STAY AWAY FROM THE SUSHI THAT DID HIS FATHER IN
 

Syria's Assad STATES THE OBVIOUS AND says Israel could cause Mideast war
 

Mbeki urges Bush to help Africa 'turn the corner', WHICH BUSH MISCONSTRUES AS MEANING AN EFFORT TO ERADICATE HOMOSEXUALITY, AND OFFERS HIS 100% SUPPORT
 

Harsh Chinese reality feeds a black market in women SOON TO BE ENDORSED BY WTO ENTRY
 

Japan doomsday cult leader's wife loses appeal WHEN SHE CLAIMS SHE MISTOOK CONVERSATIONS ABOUT 'SARIN' TO BE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT 'SARAN WRAP'
 

Hyundai Construction to let go 350 early retirement applicants BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY AREN'T WILLING TO DO THEIR BEST FOR THE COMPANY ANY LONGER
 

Sonia Gandhi urges ANGRY MOBS OF VENTURE CAPITALISTs to spur India's development, PERHAPS IN AN EFFORT TO TURN AREA VIOLENCE TOWARD A BETTER END
 

Wahid says he could save leadership IF HE COULD BORROW THE BATMOBILE