Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #77
JUNE 17, 2001

2001, Justin Thorne




China slaps tariffs on acrylate from Japan, U.S. TO ALLOW IT TIME TO REVERSE ENGINEER THE TECHNOLOGY AND TRAIN 9-YEAR-OLDS TO PRODUCE IT
 

Venezuelan president threatens visiting critics WITH BUTCHER KNIFE, BRINGING ABOUT LESS-THAN-BELIEVABLE CHANGES OF HEART
 

U.S., Mexico to examine drug trafficking as health issue RATHER THAN MASSIVE MONEY MAKING OPERATION AND SOCIAL REALITY IT IS
 

Vatican surprised by nuns' convictions in genocide case, SO MUCH SO THAT IT DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PREPARE A WAY OF DISTANCING ITSELF FROM BLAME IN ADVANCE
 

U.S. continues TO HOLD KEY ROLE IN Mideast mediation DESPITE GEORGE BUSH'S CONSISTENT REFERENCE TO PALESTIANS AS 'PALESTONERS'
 

Russia lacks money to get rid of its nerve gas, FRANTICALLY SETTING UP COMMITTEE TO FIND A CONVENIENT ENEMY
 

Intel LEGAL TEAM SCRAMBLES WHEN HOMELESS MAN claims world's smallest, fastest transistor AT BUS TERMINAL LOST AND FOUND
 

Floods hit more villages in Bangladesh; nearly 500,000 stranded FOR THE 30TH TIME IN THE PAST 30 YEARS
 

U.S. warns against travel in Yemen MONTHS AFTER HARBOR ATTACK ON U.S. NAVAL VESSEL
 

Philippine rebels delay execution of U.S. hostage SO THE U.S. GOVERNMENT CAN SHOW THEM HOW THE JOB IS DONE
 

Anti-foreign Swiss community does about-face, grants UNSOLICITED citizenship TO JACK NICHOLSON
 

World-record sized kebab challenged WHEN TASTE TEST REVEALS OVERWHELMING ODOR OF PLASTER-OF-PARIS
 

Man beheaded for murder in Saudi Arabia, BECAUSE IT'S OKAY WHEN THE GOVERNMENT DOES IT
 

Koizumi puts Kyoto Protocol on hold IN HOPES OF JUMP STARTING JAPANESE ECONOMY WITH ANOTHER MASSIVE, OVERPRICED WORLD ENVIRONMENTAL CONFERENCE
 

Bush says Russia is not the enemy, 'IT'S THOSE SHIFTY VENEZUELANS'