Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #67
FEBRUARY 7, 2001

2001, Justin Thorne




Bush offers congratulations to Ariel Sharon FOR SHARING TOP HONORS AS 'WORST PRESIDENT FOR THE TIMES'

Scandalous videotapes OF FORMER PRESIDENT FUJIMORI AND GOAT promptLY RENEW political chaos in Peru

Canada establishes diplomatic ties with North Korea IN HOPES OF LOCKING DOWN THE COMPETITIVE MAPLE SYRUP MARKET

Blind leukemia patient returns to AN Iraq THAT SOUNDS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE NEW JERSEY

Terrorist seeks less jail time ON THE GROUNDS THAT INCARCERATION MAKES IT HARD FOR HIM TO MAKE A LIVING

Doctors test Canadian Woman for Ebola, PAT BUCHANAN FOR RABIES

Colin Powell calls for calm in Mideast - NO ONE LISTENS

French ex-minister threatens court WITH UNSAVORY DISPLAY OF HIS NAKED BUTTOCKS

Sharon STONE urges Palestinians to pursue dialogue, AFTER SIMILAR UNSOLICITED PLEAS FROM ICE CUBE AND CORBIN BERNSEN

Bush counts on Aristide (OR 'ARIS-TIDY' AS BUSH CALLS HIM) for reforms

Planned nude weddings cause uproar in Jamaica WHEN BINOCULAR RENTALS QUADRUPLE IN PRICE

IN EFFORT TO AVOID BEING LABELLED 'STINGY', Castro spreads the ire AROUND MORE EQUALLY

Indonesian army opposes early impeachment IN FAVOR OF UNCOMFORTABLE IMPASSE GIVING THEM BROADER AUTHORITY TO DO WHATEVER THEY LIKE

Strike over Islamic edicts hits Bangladesh IN BETWEEN FLOODS

Elf fugitive back in France FOR TRIAL IN TEENY-WEENY COURTROOM