Justin's Whirled Headlines Halloween Issue
Issue #59
OCTOBER 25, 2000

2000, Justin Thorne




Germany's central bank preparing to make change TO EXTRACTING POUNDS OF FLESH FOR LATE LOAN PAYMENTS

Albright arrives in South Korea SMELLING OF HOG'S FEET AND EYE OF NEWT

Policies toward N. Korea, Cuba don't match IN THEIR ABILITY TO CONJURE EVIL SPIRITS

Austria to compensate WWII slave laborers WITH OLD-FASHIONED SHOVEL TO THE HEAD

Prisoners release SLAIN Turkish prison guards AS FLESH-HUNGRY ZOMBIES

Jewish settlers come back to West Bank ARMED WITH PITCHFORKS AND RATTLESNAKES

Hundreds OF PINTS OF BLOOD EMPTIED, SCORES injured as Jordanian VAMPIREs try to cross Israeli-controlled border

Frustrated, POSSESSED Egyptian voters turn THEIR HEADS 360-DEGREES ARoUnD IN EERIE CONFRONTATION WITH police

Italy abandons compulsory military service FOR VOLUNTEER LEGIONS OF THE LIVING DEAD

Return of ex-spy chief sets off crisis in Peru WHEN 3 HUMAN SKULLS ARE FOUND IN HIS CLOSET

Iran's judiciary shuts down 2 more newspapers FOR HARBORING SPIRIT OF SATAN

Paris mayor ejected from own political party FOR TAKING MORE THAN HIS SHARE OF THE ELECTORATE'S BLOOD

Indonesia says half of its coral reefs are dead, ISSUES WARNING TO OTHER HALF: 'YOUR DAY IS COMING'

Trial of Romanian prison commander postponed IN ORDER TO ALLOW EXECUTIONER TIME TO SHARPEN HIS INSTRUMENTS

North Korea indicates it won't launch missiles AS LONG AS IT CAN CAST SPELLS OVER THE U.S. WHICH CAUSE IT TO CODDLE CORRUPT REGIMES, officials say