Chilean judge orders X-RAY medical tests for ENFEEBLED Pinochet TO SEE IF PINOCHET INADVERTENTLY SWALLOWED THE JUDGE'S 250-DOLLAR FOUNTAIN PEN
 

China accuses World Bank of meddling in members' politics, WHICH IN CHINA'S CASE 'ONLY INVOLVES A FEW MINOR INSTANCES OF CORRUPTION, MASS EXECUTIONS AND REPRESSION OF POLITICAL MOVEMENTS AND INDIVIDUAL THOUGHT, ANYWAY'
 

Ten thousand Liberians face deportation from U.S., PROMPT QUESTION, 'HOW DID TEN THOUSAND OF THEM MANAGE TO GET INTO THE COUNTRY BEFORE PEOPLE STARTED NOTICING?'
 

CITING THREAT OF RASTAFARIAN TERRORISTS, Bush TURNS SPEECH on education INTO INCOHERENT FOREIGN POLICY message PROPOSING to mine THE West INDIES BEforE votes ARE CAST IN NOVEMBER
 

U.N. mission on Ethiopian-Eritrean border CONSIDERED TO BE off to good start, PRIMARILY BECAUSE NO ONE'S DEAD OR HELD HOSTAGE YET
 

Turkey pledges to root out rights abuses for EU membership, NOT BECAUSE IT BELIEVES IN THE CONCEPT
 

Chavez hopes to use OPEC summit to champion world vision: OTHERWISE MARGINAL NATIONS DICTATING GEOPOLITICS BY VIRTUE OF SITTING ATOP THE WORLD'S MAIN ENERGY SUPPLY
 

U.S. corn growers back Kraft taco shell recall SINCE ALL THE REPLACEMENT TACO SHELLS WILL MADE FROM CORN, TOO
 

Gore ties Bush to Gingrich 'Assault on Medicare', OPENING UP POSSIBILITY OF BUSH TYING GORE TO CLINTON 'MISUSE OF CIGAR'
 

Ivorian officials seek to calm ethnic tension WITH AGE-OLD ELIXIR OF FAVORING WHICHEVER SIDE SEEMS TO BE WINNING
 

Sudan government extends ceasefire for two weeks SO THEY CAN RESTOCK THEIR AMMUNITION
 

Dengue fever QUICKLY claims 30th victim in El Salvador, THWARTING OFFICE BETTING POOL HASTILY BEING ARRANGED BY CYNICAL U.N. AID WORKERS
 

Vatican seeks to build religious bridges THAT PEOPLE WILL BE FREE TO CROSS ONCE THEY'VE CONVERTED TO CATHOLICISM