East Timor celebrates anniversary of independence vote WITH A LITTLE RANDOM VIOLENCE
 

South Africa'S NELSON MANDELA reopens national debate on racism BY CALLING WHITES 'A BUNCH OF COWARDS THAT WE SHOULD FEEL SORRY FOR'
 

Clinton, Mubarak COLLECTIVELY seek solution TO 'NOT GETTinG ANY' WITH VISIT TO CAIRO RED LIGHT DISTRICT, BRIEFLY DISCUSS Mideast peace process
 

Freed hostages greeted in Libya WITH THE GRIM REALIZATION THAT THEY WERE RETURNING TO LIBYA
 

Whale tangled in fishing rope off South African coast; JAPANESE 'RESEARCHERS' BROUGHT IN TO HARVEST THE WHALE AND DISTRUBUTE ITS MEAT TO JAPAN'S 120 MILLION RESEARCH ASSISTANTS
 

Police demolish 3 Palestinian homes in Jerusalem TO CLEAR WAY FOR 3 JEWISH HOMES
 

Colombia president to seek drop of trade barriers IN EXCHANGE FOR CONTINUED PRETENSE OF ELIMINATING DRUG PRODUCTION
 

Russia struggles to deal with disasters BY BLAMING THEM ON A WESTERN POWER
 

North, South Korea hold high-level talks ON COOKIE EXCHANGE BETWEEN NORTH AND SOUTH SCHOOLCHILDREN
 

Tropical Storm Prapiroon nears Taiwan, IS FAVORED TO WIN IN THIS YEAR'S 'MOST OBSCURE SOUNDING TROPICAL STORM NAME' CONTEST
 

German neo-Nazi fugitive arrested in West Virginia, WHERE HE WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL QUITE AT HOME
 

Pope CORRECTLY spells out church's stand on organ transplant issues: A - M - B - I - G - U - O - U - S
 

Volcano erupts on island south of Tokyo, GODZILLA FILM CREW RACES TO GET FIRST AND ONLY REALISTIC FOOTAGE