Issue #40
APRIL 13, 2000

2000, Justin Thorne




HEAD OF LARGEST CASINO IN Reno urges relatives to ACCEPT HIS OFFER OF $150,000 IN CHIPS IN EXCHANGE FOR RIGHTS TO PUT ON 'ELIAN ON ICE' SKATING SPECTACULAR AND resolve Cuban boy's case custody struggle.

LEGLESS Disabled British activist SUES FOR DISMISSAL OF RANKING OFFICERS, INSTEAD wins NEW RUNNING suit IN CASE against police

AIDS patient says Canada should supply him with pot, GOVERNMENT IS AFRAID OF SENDING HIGH SCHOOLERS THE WRONG MESSAGE GET AIDS, GET FREE POT

Cambodian, U.N. diplomats seek advances on THE BRIBES THEY WERE PROMISED IN Khmer Rouge trials

Brazil's top anti-drug official steps down TO TAKE POSITION IN DRUG CARTEL

Jewish settlers begin building new neighborhood near Jerusalem, TO BE CALLED 'ANTAGONIST HEIGHTS'

Israel will allow United Nations to determine border with Lebanon, BUT DOESN'T WANT TO BE HELD TO THAT COMMITMENT

Major Colombian heroin ring dismantled with 46 arrests, police say, LEAVING 17 MORE RINGS TO DISMANTLE AND 790 ARRESTS TO GO

Amid heckling APPARENTLY INTENDED TO DEMONSTRATE WHO HAS THE MORE CIVILIZED AND COMPELLING VIEWPOINT, Austrian president repeats commitment to democracy

Japanese experts withdraw prediction of big volcanic eruption WHEN IT TURNS OUT THAT SEISMOGRAPHS WERE ACTUALLY RECORDING GRUMBLING STOMACH OF SUMO GRAND CHAMPION AKEBONO

Israel refuses to abandon sale of early-warning plane to China IN ATTEMPT TO REPLACE MIDEAST WITH EAST ASIA AS WORLD'S MOST TENSE SECURITY QUAGMIRE

Northern Ireland's police receive 'CERTIFICATE OF PARTICIPATION' medal from British queen

Elian's dad, UNFAMILIAR WITH AMERICAN CULTURE, finds warmTH IN gestures WITH THE MIDDLE FINGER, GIVEN TO HIM 'MORE TIMES THAN I CAN REMEMBER WHILE TRAVELinG TO Washington'

United States opts out of world's fair in Germany AFTER REALIZING THAT EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD KNOWS MORE ABOUT THE U.S. THAN THEY COULD POSSIBLY NEED TO KNOW

RussiaNS to continue involvement in International Space Station, Putin says, IN HISTORICAL BID TO BE WORLD'S 'FIRST SPACEBORNE FREELOADERS'