Issue #38
MARCH 26, 2000

2000, Justin Thorne




Scientists investigate whales' deaths after Navy test in Bahamas, THINK THERE MIGHT BE A RELATIONSHIP TO THE 570 DEPTH CHARGES WHICH WERE FIRED

Cheesemaker says Prince Philip may have contaminated batch WHEN CURDY ODOR TRICKED OAFISH ROYAL INTO BELIEVING CHEESE VATS WERE URINALS

Putin vows to get Russia's stalled market moving BY DECLARING WAR ON SOMEONE

India rejects Clinton's appeal to slow nuclear weapons development, BECAUSE THERE ARE PAKISTANIS YET TO KILL

EAGER TO BOOST ITS WORLD STANDING, Lebanon grants political asylum to Japanese Red Army member

Pinochet hospitalized after fainting, BUT WE KNOW HE'S FAKING

Michael Douglas urges reduction of nuclear-weapons stockpiles, AND AL GORE URGES CASTING AGENTS TO FIND MICHAEL DOUGLAS A FILM TO BE IN

Japanese police in scandal-ridden department arrested on suspicion of erasing tickets, A 'CRIME' WHICH WOULD MAKE THEM HEROES JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE ELSE

IN AN UNPRECEDENTED DEMONSTRATION OF 'INCENTIVE TO LOSE WEIGHT', Overweight Philippine police ordered to climb Mount Pinatubo

Pakistan announces crackdown on political freedoms IN MASSIVE MISINTERPRETATION ahead of Clinton visit

Australian boys sleep in trees to avoid floods AND DRINK BEER

Clinton, Assad fail to find formula FOR "CLASSIC COKE", DEEMED ONLY REMAINING OBSTACLE for renewing Israel-Syria talks

SURPRISINGLY FRISKY Queen Elizabeth II "inspects" guard in Australia, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

Panama has "big" development plans for former Canal Zone WHICH CAN BE SUMMED UP IN 4 MAGIC WORDS: "BABES IN WET T-SHIRTS"

DEMONSTRATING NEW HEIGHTS OF PETTINESS, EVEN THE Name OF THE DISPUTE ITSELF IS at issue in Northern Ireland dispute