Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #33
DECEMBER 1, 1999

©1999, Justin Thorne




Mandela travelling to Iran, Jordan, Syria FOR TALKS on wayS to DESTROY Israel
 

Arafat visits Yeltsin in hospital IN 'WHO'S AUTHORITY IS DETERIORATING QUICKER?' FACE-OFF
 

Romanian extremists remember Iron Guard leader AS WARM, COMPASSIONATE SOUL
 

Nobel Peace Prize committee gets new member, chairman - DON KING, WHO EXPRESSED HIS 'INNUMERABLE MULTITUDINOUS SENSATIONS OF ELATION'
 

U.S. aid to Sudan rebels worries U.N. food agency, WHICH CAN'T GET FOOD TO ANYONE
 

Kohl admits knowing of secret party accounts, but denies USING FUNDS FOR SKIN graft PROCEDURE PROMISING TO TAKE YEARS OFF HIS FACE
 

Chavez steps up high-voltage CATTLE PROD attacks on opponents of constitution
 

THE RELUCTANTLY DEMOCRATIC Namibian president PUTS a BULLET-PROOF lock ON THE DOOR OF THE PRESIDENTIAL MANSION as vote opens
 

U.N. peace troops arrive in Sierra Leone TO STAND AROUND AS PEOPLE STARVE AND GET KILLED
 

Kuwait Parliament rejects bill for women's suffrage, CLAIMING THEY'VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A FOREIGN CONCEPT
 

Pinochet marks 84th birthday still under arrest, AND STILL GUILTY OF FALSE IMPRISONMENT AND SUMMARY EXECUTION OF HIS CITIZENS
 

Castro skips WTO to avoid 'humiliation' WHEN THE FAR MORE SINISTER REGIME FROM CHINA BECOMES EVERYONE'S BEST FRIEND
 

Ousted Pakistani PM's trial to conclude within seven days, prosecutor says, WITH GUILTY VERDICT SPECIALLY PREPARED BY THE MILITARY
 

Britain rushes to grant power to Northern Ireland government BEFORE IT'S BOMBED OUT OF EXISTENCE
 

Branson confident on airline plans in Australia, WHERE HE GETS TO FONDLE EACH FLIGHT ATTENDANT BEFORE HIS/HER INAUGURAL FLIGHT