Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #28
OCTOBER 4, 1999

©1999, Justin Thorne




Assad says Syria WOULD HAVE committed to peace with Israel IN THE PAST IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE MINOR ISSUE OF DISTRUSTING JEWS
 

U.S. artist builds 64-ton wall of ice outside Jerusalem's Old City TO COOL HIS SELF-PROMOTING BUTTOCKS ON
 

US fighter jets bomb Iraqi air defense system in no-fly zone TWICE A WEEK LIKE CLOCKWORK
 

Liberal editor called before Iranian court TO EXPLAIN HOW HE'S PLANNING TO ESCAPE WHEN THE DEATH SENTENCE IS PLACED ON HIM
 

Palestinian children demonstrate against Disney IN FIRST RECORDED INSTANCE OF CHILDREN NOT HELD HOSTAGE BY THE MICKEY MOUSE COMMERCIAL JUGGERNAUT
 

Terrorist group attacks McDonald's in Athens suburb, RONALD MCDONALD REPORTEDLY PLANNING 'OPERATION GRIMACE' WITH TOP ADVISORS
 

Moroccan officials seize tons of sausage suspected in CONNECTION WITH PIG deaths
 

Somalia drought said to claim more than 20 victims daily, PUTTING DROUGHT A DISTANT SECOND TO THE AK-40 ASSAULT RIFLE
 

Venezuela launches program to curb prison violence BY ENCOURAGING RANDOM BEATINGS BY GUARDS
 

India expected to sign nuclear test ban treaty JUST AS SOON AS DAN QUAYLE IS ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE U.S.
 

KLA still well-armed after surrendering weapons, NATO says, WITHOUT A CLUE HOW OXYMORONIC THAT STATEMENT IS
 

Beer consumption and thievery up TO USUAL STANDARDS at Oktoberfest 1999
 

Croatian WWII camp commander sentenced to 20 years AFTER SERVING A 50-YEAR SENTENCE IN THE REAL WORLD
 

Malaysia says Australians in Timor are out of line WITH THEIR BEER CONSUMPTION