Dalai Lama plans to promote peace through THE music OF HANSON
 

Vatican halts Canadian bishop's speech at conference on married priests, BECAUSE MARRIED PRIESTS ARE DEMON SPAWN
 

Menem urges NATO ground invasion of Yugoslavia, ESPECIALLY SINCE ARGENTINA ISN'T SUPPLYING TROOPS
 

Uneasy welcome for expatriates on return to Vietnam AS BAD AIRLINE BEEF MAKES THEM NOXIOUSLY GASSY
 

Massive search effort fails to find suspect in slayings on French-German border, NO EFFORT IN STORE TO FIND FRENCH AND GERMAN SUSPECTS IN SLAYINGS OF CIVILIANS IN KOSOVO
 

Condemned drug dealer and gang receive stay of execution in Trinidad, PARTY WITH OFFICIALS
 

Sonia Gandhi quits post in India's top party, TO WHICH STRUGGLING STAND-UP COMEDIAN JAWAHAR 'THE JAW' KULKARNI QUIPS, SHE'S FINALLY GONE-DEE'
 

Peruvian security chief's TV interview shines spotlight on media control, WHICH WOULD BE A NEWSWORTHY REVELATION THERE IF ONLY THE GOVERNMENT DIDN'T CONTROL THE MEDIA
 

Singapore to liberalize banking WITH INNOVATIONS SUCH AS 'NO MORE CANINGS FOR OVERDRAFTS'
 

U.S. pledges emergency food aid to North Korea, AS SOON AS THEY COMPLETE BOMBING THE OTHER COMMUNIST EMBASSIES IN YUGOSLAVIA
 

Border oil spill made no noted impact in U.S., OTHER THAN DELAYING U.S. COLLEGE STUDENTS HEADED FOR HASHISH AND FRIJOLES IN TIJUANA
 

Congo rebels shake up leadership BY APPOINTING RUPERT MURDOCH CHIEF STRATEGIST, AGREE TO GIVE HIM EXCLUSIVE TV RIGHTS IN NEW CONGOLESE REPUBLIC
 

African leaders sign agreement to end Congo's war, WHICH IS NEWS TO THE REBELS
 

China wants WTO status but says concessions are numbered DUE TO THE FACT THAT 4 OF ITS DIPLOMATS WERE KILLED IN YUGOSLAVIA
 

Elizabeth appoints new Scottish leader, WHOSE FIRST OFFICIAL ACT WAS TO TELL THE CROWN TO GO SCREW THEMSELVES
 

Stepashin asks Duma group to confirm him as prime minister 'QUICKLY, BEFORE YELTSIN FIRES ME'
 

Murder cases highlight odd feature of Japan system: WITNESSES MUST SWEAR OATH OVER BOWL OF STEAMING RAMEN