Justin's Whirled Headlines Issue #14
MAY 10, 1999

©1999, Justin Thorne




Indian protesters form 480-mile human chain IN ORDER TO CONVINCE DAVID COPPERFIELD THAT HE AND HIS EXTRAORDINARY SKILLS OF ILLUSION ARE NOT WELCOME
 

China suspends military contacts with U.S. SO IT CAN CONCENTRATE ITS EFFORTS ON BUILDING NEWER, BETTER A-BOMB USING STOLEN U.S. TECHNOLOGY
 

French officials not implicated in Corsican fire, BUT THEIR SUBSCRIPTIONS TO 'FIRE STARTER WEEKLY' AND 'ARSON TODAY' HAVE RAISED DOUBTS
 

INS brings sick U.S. citizen home, admits he shouldn't have been deported FOR BEING A LEPER
 

Former Guinea-Bissau president wins asylum in Portugal FOLLOWING PORTUGAL'S NARROW VICTORY OVER MALTA IN 'WIN AN OUSTED PRESIDENT' WORLD PLAY-OFFS
 

McGuinness: Sinn Fein 'sick of waiting' for place in government, MAY OPT FOR UNPRECEDENTED USE OF FORCE
 

Marcos family visits Philippine presidential palace AS MARCOS' FROZEN CORPSE LIGHTLY SWEATS IN THE FOYER
 

U.S. dumping charges deal body blow to Russian steel city, WHICH WAS RELYING ON VIOLATING INTERNATIONAL TRADE LAWS TO SPUR ITS ECONOMY
 

Pope reaches out to Orthodox Christians, SAYING HE'LL FORGIVE THEM FOR THE SIN OF JOINING THE WRONG CHURCH IF THEY CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM BEFORE MAY 31
 

FBI suppressed likely cause of TWA 800 crash for months, senator says, BUT WAITED TO DETERMINE FIRST IF THERE WAS A POLITICAL ENEMY THEY COULD DESTROY BY PINNING THE BLAME ON
 

Organizers say Y2K to blame for demise of Minneapolis millennium party, WHICH, WITHOUT COMPUTERS, JUST WOULDN'T BE A PARTY
 

Ethiopians throng music festival to fund war, BOB GELDALF COMMITS SUICIDE
 

Brazil's Cardoso brings upbeat message on US visit, 'MY ECONOMY IS RUINED, AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE GUYS BAILING US OUT'
 

Pakistan devotes 18 days to celebrating nuclear tests, WHICH IS ACTUALLY 16 DAYS LONGER THAN THE TESTS THEMSELVES WERE
 

Up to 20,000 OF THE Chinese protestING THE embassy bombing TO BE GIVEN CIVILIAN SERVICE MEDALS IN EFFORT TO REPLACE CHINESE GOVERNMENT WITH U.S. AS NUMBER ONE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE
 

Alcohol sales in Russia jump in first quarter this year AS YELTSIN'S VODKA SUPPLY THROUGH JUNE IS USED UP BY FEBRUARY
 

Amid protests, U.S. says 'faulty information', NAMELY LACK OF WARNING LABELS ON MAPS STATING 'EMBASSY OF LARGEST COUNTRY ON PLANET HERE - DO NOT BOMB' led to Chinese embassy bombing
 

Florida's 1923 electric chair replaced WITH OLDIE-BUT-GOODIE 1957 MODEL
 

Clinton: 'I have never OVERseen so much destruction'